The Intergalactic Rebel Troop Leader
The new pilot of the Intergalactic Rebel Troop was desperate to find his leader. They had lost each other as he had made a mistake on the strategic defence operation Alpha 17 by having gone to wrong location. He had misunderstood the mission orders which had brought him in confusion - something he realized when it was far too late.
Mr. Peresterdono Tracynibolo Siffikipoloposofolousnis - his name was too complex (born in sector 14) so his friends used to call him Mr. PTS - was very aware of the fact that per senior policy of the Rebel Troop, he had to find the leader and pick him up even though the search had now been ongoing for more than 2 eons.
He was a new recruit into the Rebel Troop and additionally very uncertain to his character. "It was too risky to take any decisions by himself - he had to find his leader" he had thought while doing his search.
John loved to be a farmer and to live alone isolated from the rest of the world. He lived far out from any city, the next neighbouring house were several kilometres away. He had his own grounds, cows, and little wooden house - for him it was perfect. He had made himself strong as a result of the heavy daily work. He personally really hated the city-people. "They cannot work and the only thing they do is to move papers", "We farmers are the real people" were a few of the solid fixed ideas in the mind of the farmer John.
This sunny day John was on the way with one of his dogs back to his little cottage. He entered in the cottage which only consisted of one room, slapped the dog when it tried to pee on the floor and cut off a piece from the smoked ham which was hanging on the door. John had been used to the more than 20 flies that were eating on that ham but he did not care so much, as for him it was normal.
The pilot of the Intergalactic Rebel Troop was very satisfied when he spotted the person he was looking for on the special radar detectors he himself had modified for the ship.
It was an unidentified planet and Mr. Peresterdono was flying into the atmosphere in order to land.
Mr. Peresterdono had first forgotten to turn on the cooling system but realized it when the metal started to melt of the burning friction.
The planet's surface seemed to be solid, good gravity and atmosphere he could breathe. The Pilot and his little spaceship hit the ground and Mr. Peresterdono activated the brakes in order to stop the ship from sliding.
The structure of the ground was not so good to land on and even though the breaks on the ship were still on, the friction of the black ground was too low to prevent the ship from sliding.
Finally the ship stopped and some pieces of the ground went in the air and landed on a group of standing big beings.
Then the beings said: "Mooooh!" in a kind of threatening way. His advanced computer system could not identify nor translate this language, which was very strange.
Mr. Peresterdono went out fast with his laser gun of the latest model and made sure these big standing beings did not attack him. They were looking strange at him and were all chewing. This made him a bit afraid - they were like killing machines, systematically chewing up everybody and everything.
He was running towards the little wooden house and then suddenly he slipped on some yellow slimy material on the ground. He took some up with his hand and decided to not taste it.
He went further, opened the wooden house with an instant, lost his control and manners after what revealed for him and screamed:
"Intergalactic Rebel Troop Leader, what in the name of the galaxy are you doing on this shitty, stinky, stupid, garbage planet! I Have been searching for you for 2,3 eons across 16 sectors and 45 systems and then I find you here on a solar system so unimportant that it is not even on the map! I need to know what you have been doing since we separated, sir?"
John was offended. No city-person has the right to speak to him in such a way.
He stood up and said "Your kind of people have no right to raise your voice at me. I am working hard and I am doing my share which cannot be said about you!"
Mr. Peresterdono felt a moment of fair and replied "Ok, Sir. That is probably true. Sorry that I raised my voice on you. Where did you buy this ugly body?" Mr. Peresterdono was staring at it. He would never buy such a spy cover. It was too degrading.
John did not really understand the question but as these city-people really don't know anything he answered: "I got it for free from my mother."
"You mean that ... Oooh disgusting!" said the pilot in disgrace.
John went out immediately to see what the noise with the cows was all about.
Then he saw it, the city-persons vehicle had destroyed a big part of his grounds and thrown mud up in the air, which had landed on the cows.
"YOU HAVE UPSET THE COWS!"
"Sir, which cows?" asked Mr. Peresterdono.
"These ones" said John and pointed at them.
"Don't worry I can take eliminate them with my laser gun, should I do it now Sir?"
"You don't touch my cows! You city-people know nothing, only take care of papers."
"Ok sir, I will not take them down."
"I need to know what you have been doing since we separated" asked Mr. Peresterdono in an attempt to solve his mystery.
"I am living a hard working life. I am milking my cows, taking care of my grounds and animals, cutting the woods for fire and make my food."
"But sir, Milky Way is at stake. Is this per the mission orders?" asked Mr. Peresterdono wondering which part of the operation it was or if it was maybe his own misunderstanding as usual.
"Mission orders?" asked John.
"You don't remember sir, this paper ..."
"I don't care about any paper! There is no problem on the way to get milk and the stake we eat on Sundays. We don't need any papers. I decide what we will do!" said John in an angry manner.
"Ok sir." Said the pilot thinking that it was best the leader decides. It will only be mistakes if he would start to decide. He remembered...
"First you will move your vehicle out of my sight, put in order my grounds which you have destroyed, then milk the cows and after that you may have something to eat." I will show this city-person what real work is. John liked his new game in life.
"But sir, don't you have working robots? Or food pills?"
"NO BACKFLASH! I don't know what that is, there is only you here and you will do what I tell you to do. When you finish all the things you can get a piece of the smoked ham."
Mr. Peresterdono didn't know which kind of strategic move his leader was doing and was a bit confused about the changes on the mission orders. But somehow they had to take off together with the space ship soonest possible.
The leader was now inside his cottage eating and then Mr. Peresterdono tried to start the space ship. It did not work and then he realized that the fuel was not enough and that mud had come into the fission engine as the metal had been melted a bit and opened during his landing.
Mr. Peresterdono run back to the house and said to John:
"I cannot start the space ship! Do you have some uranium 235?"
"I have no uranium 235 and I don't know what it is. Fine you don't need to move it away for right now."
"But we have to go to sector 59, system 12, planet 167 C".
"Are you talking about a city?" asked John.
"Yes, it is a city-planet. The rest of the Rebel Force is waiting for us."
"I don't go to any city, you can go yourself. I have a horse you can take tomorrow."
Mr. Peresterdono did not know what a horse was, maybe it even was faster than his space ship! He was looking forward to see it and meanwhile he had to clean up the grounds. Such a degraded work, he had before only seen robots doing such work.
The next day Mr. Peresterdono had tried to take off with the horse but somehow his level of communication was not good enough as he could not make the horse understand the destination point. The only result had been that the horse had thrown him down in the mud.
Mr. Peresterdono had realized that he was stuck on this degraded planet and there was no solution. Meanwhile would the Galactic Federation wipe out the Rebel Force?
The life of John had got a new meaning. He got to educate this city-person what a real life was. He achieved a lot of more success with the implementation of the punishment system.
Peresterdono was up milking the cows before the sun came up. If he doesn't make the quota he gets no food and he had been starving since yesterday.
Suddenly the whole area got covered with light. Then a Rebel Troop space ship emerged and landed a bit beside him in a similar fashion he had done.
A big man with silver clothes and his 13 soldiers went out of the ship and walked over to Peresterdono while he was milking a cow.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE GALAXY ARE YOU DOING MR. PTS?" The big man with silver clothes suddenly felt the smell from him and was almost about to throw up.
"Sir, the leader has changed the mission orders and per new policy you cannot land there and like this."
"Mr. PTS, I am the leader. You must have gone insane. I am sorry but you are no longer qualified. We will send you the paper with the official expulsion."
Before Peresterdono had understood the meaning of what was said he wanted to say that the leader don't accept any papers anymore per new policy but suddenly he realized that John was not the Galactic Rebel Troop Leader. The shock was too much for him and he fainted.
The Rebel Force Leader with his silver clothes saw that Mr. PTS had his own space ship parked here and decided that he can then go himself if he wants to. Then they left again.
After some hours Peresterdono woke up with a headache and suddenly remembered what had happened the moment before he fainted.
He had been laying since then on the field of the cows and one dog had pied on him while he had been unconscious.
The Rebel Troop had left him alone and there was only him and John left.
The EX Pilot of the Intergalactic Rebel Troop was still milking the cows. He wished he could eliminate John with his blast gun but he could not as he would then not survive alone.
(The term "PTS" is a technical term in the philosophy of Scientology. It denotes a person who is a 'Potential Trouble Source' due to being under suppression and is manifested itself by making mistakes, indecision, inability to cause things, afraid and a lot more as demonstrated in this short story.)
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